Revelation: Dating Can Rock!

I’m not sure what to think: I had what’s called a “date” with this stunning woman last night. We sat down for omakasa at Bluefin in Newport Coast. The crazy part was that the company, conversation and food were so good that I didn’t take a single picture, didn’t check Facebook or Instagram, and actually failed to look at my mobile even once. Instead, I looked at an actual person (who was hawt!!!!) and spoke to her without using my thumbs! It was so strange but awesome!

Did I mention she was stunning? And AWESOME?

So, I’m sorry there’s no pictures and I was gone for so long. But, seriously, you guys need to try this “date” thing. Its so new it doesn’t even have an app yet.

 

Panty Hunter

Conversation not to be overheard by minors:
Her: Did you see where my undies landed?

Him: you understand that if you’re asking me that, my mission is accomplished, right?

Her: Sure, ding dong, but what if the kids find my underwear?

Him: Its just proof that making babies takes practice.

Her: You’re impossible.

Him: Can we lose mine now?

Leaving Aliso

There were a million things I would have rather been doing today, notably some quiet time reflecting under a tree. Instead, I had to spend the day wrapping up the last details of our move.

I’m officially out of Aliso Viejo, a city I’ve called home for the better part of over 15 years. The highest highs and the lowest lows in my life, those redefining moments that irrevocably change who you are as a person and what you believe in, all happened within the confines of that twisted little town.

Today my tenure ends there. Its not ironic that it happens today, and certainly neither mystical or planned; it simply happened today. Now its time to hug the kids, see them off and grab a shower. Today is one Sunday I’m glad to see end.

Yoga? Pass.

I thought about trying yoga, but having to post a selfie to Instagram with an inspirational quote on every new pose seemed too overwhelming. Just like drinking a new smoothie at the gym or getting my nails done before a holiday. I just don’t need the pressure to post that…or be seen in those tights/hot shorts things…..guuuurl….

Apple and OS X Upgrades

Someone needs to remind Apple that when we buy their equipment, we’re not “borrowing” it, we own that shit!

I’ve had 3 laptops essentially die on me in the last couple of months, not because the hardware is broken or the software is corrupted… but because Apple says the laptops (all 15″ Intel-based Macbook Pros, top of the line when they were made) are simply too old. Can’t update java, can’t update Flash, no security patches, and – the greatest offense – being forbidden to update/upgrade or replace the operating system on perfectly good hardware.

Aw, hell no.

So, in an afternoon, I was able to circumvent those imposed limitations and now we have 3 refreshed laptops and 2 very happy Minecraft-addicted kids. Granted, that’s a Pandoras Box of its own now that every mod and patch they’ve seen on YouTube is a MUST to install and their OCD just doesn’t let up.

Sigh. Win some, lose some.

While you were sexting

Have you ever broken a sweat scrambling to clean up the kitchen, scrub down the kids, and return the house to a fa├žade of order just 10 minutes before your spouse arrives home after leaving you in charge of all the kids and errands for a day? Only so that you can throw yourself onto the sofa, baby and bottle in hand, composed like nothing has happened all day, when she walks through the door to casually say, “Oh, hey! You’re home,” like it was a pleasant but unnecessary surprise.

Yeah, me neither.

… (so tired)…

Parking Lot Conversations

I was just walking in the parking lot, towards my car, at the super market. I noticed a silver Jeep Cherokee coning towards me hauling ass. Older female drive, just casual as can be.

I’m already in a foul mood, unrelated to this.

“LOOK OUT!” I shouted, hands raised like she’s about to plow into a littler of kittens.

The driver slammed on her brakes leaving a good 10-15 feet of tread marks. She turned to me in a panic, “What?”

“Slow the fuck down. You’re in a parking lot.”

Apparently older lades in Jeep Cherokees know a LOT of foul language because she pretty much called me names I’ve never heard of as she rolled off.

I still hope she peed herself a little.

Range Failure

Should a 9-year old, without previous shooting training, be handed a fully automatic weapon? No. Should a skilled firearms instructor know better? Yes.

I believe that kids should learn about proper firearms use and shooting skills early on, no exceptions. Learning those skills – effectively – does not begin with a family vacation one-off with a fully- or even semi-automatic firearm. It begins with introduction to parts, names, concepts. It continues with sighting, trigger pull, breathing, recoil control, targeting. These are all basics that can be taught to a child with a pellet rifle, or a .22.

Progression up to larger caliber rounds and more sophisticated firearms takes time and demonstration of capability. I would no sooner hand the keys of a sports car to a 15 year old than I would an automatic handgun to a child who has no experience with any firearm whatsoever.

I have zero sympathy for the instructor. He paid the price for his reckless mistake. Unfortunately, its the child who will forever be scarred by the horrors of unintentionally killing another human being through no mistake of her own. Her parents – who had to consent to this – will owe her a debt they can never repay. She truly is the victim here.