I’m not single – but if I was – my Tinder profile would simply state that I regularly grill Carne Asada tacos from scratch and a pizookie that fills a 12” cast iron skillet.
Wrapping a towel around a broom and sweeping the ceiling for cobwebs seemed like a perfectly reasonable thing to do at 03:00 this morning. Then I noticed the neighbor’s silhouette in their window and I reconsidered putting on clothes.
Monet has this “tell” that I always seem to forget…
Monet: Hey, Dat, how was work today?
Me: Good! (short story about computers)
Monet: Hey, Dat, how was school today?
Me: Great! (short story ensues)
Monet: Hey, Dat, what did you learn today?
Me: Fun things like math and science!
Monet: Hey, Dat, I pooped.
Every. Single. Time.
It’s 02:00, I’m wide awake and trapped in a tent with my 5-year old (whom is blissfully sound asleep -bless his lucky heart) at a park in Long Beach just feet from the noisy 605 freeway …with no less than 500 other kids and parents locked into this same “overnight extravaganza” experience.
Three problems I failed to account for: 1) I forgot headphones so I could watch Netflix without waking the child up. 2) my reading glasses are a mile away in the car….I’m literally typing this one letter at a time at my arm’s fullest distance.
Nevermind, 2 problems. I just peed into a water bottle. But I kinda wish I had my glasses for that one.
Yesterday – around 10:30 in the morning – our bird started freaking out in her cage and then the ground started shifting. This morning, a few minutes after 04:00, it sounded like the bird fell off of her perch and flapped around in the cage until I came to get her. She was really spooked. Come to find out: there was an aftershock at that time. I didn’t feel it but she sure as hell did. I’ve got a fluffy little seismometer that poops on my shoulders. Win-win.
Woke up 10 minutes before the alarm was scheduled to go off. Not gonna lie: I slammed my eyes shut and tried to unsee the time.
It didn’t work. Feeling robbed.
Rilakkuma and Kaoru (Netflix). Awww cute! Gorgeous stop motion animation of a woman and her 2 stuffed animal bears and a cleaning obsessed baby chicken.
Then it turns into, “What in the hell is this and who is this show actually for?”
You can watch the first two or three episodes to at least give you the character introductions. But S1:E5 “Ghost Girl” will make it abundantly clear that this story line isn’t for kids and foreshadow an entire series of “WTF JUST HAPPENED?!?” moments.
I’m all in at this point. Bring it.
Laguna Beach “reconsidering” painting the American flag in the font of their police cruisers because someone complained that the Stars and Stripes were “too aggressive”.
It’s not too early in the morning to completely lose my shit right now.
Discovered a new joy in life today: making a scene on a rollercoaster next to my 14-year old son, then announcing that he’s single. Girls were literally waiving to him from the next ride over.
Oh, son. Your teen years are going to be so much fun for me.
Wisconsin has a “green alert” for at-risk veterans who may pose a threat to themselves and its a terrible implementation of a well-intentioned idea. It’s like an Amber alert, but for veterans who might hurt themselves. Wisconsin shows the veteran’s picture, license plate, weapon status and whether they have been diagnosed with PTSD on the news, mobile phones and highway signs as an emergency.
My “You Didn’t Think This Through” concerns are 3-fold:
1) An American’s right to privacy.
2) Competence of someone claiming that the Veteran may be a threat to self or others. Who is qualifying these alerts?
3) The training of the first responder to handle a crisis-with-weapon situation.
The best case scenario for all 3 concerns is an absolute disaster. That’s before the governor has to eventually apologize and admit there’s “room to improve.” By that point, it’s too late for someone.
In light of the cluster Wisconsin has implemented here, I recommend a mobile network of veterans and their families to receive notifications of one of their brothers whom is in a struggle, within 5, 10, 15 or 25 mile range.
No one understands what it’s like to come back more than someone who already came back and had to adjust on their own. Our men and women don’t deserve to do that alone. With a mobile network, Veterans could be on scene, talking one of ours down, identifying and bridging the crisis to “Its going to be okay, you’re not alone” before someone with a badge and an itchy trigger finger arrives to make matters worse.
Wisconsin: your intentions are good but your implementation is a nightmare. Yes, our veterans are at risk but they are not a hazard to society. They are our brothers and sisters, sons and daughters. They deserve our every effort, not to be broadcast as a potential criminal.