While you were sexting

Have you ever broken a sweat scrambling to clean up the kitchen, scrub down the kids, and return the house to a façade of order just 10 minutes before your spouse arrives home after leaving you in charge of all the kids and errands for a day? Only so that you can throw yourself onto the sofa, baby and bottle in hand, composed like nothing has happened all day, when she walks through the door to casually say, “Oh, hey! You’re home,” like it was a pleasant but unnecessary surprise.

Yeah, me neither.

… (so tired)…

Broken Things

For the record: broken things like cars are just that… things. Meaningless, vapid, decaying and expensive things. As much as it was inconvenient today, my priorities weren’t the thing of the broken car insomuch as the important people it transported. Thankfully, none of them were in the car when it broke. It was entertaining to make fun of the inconvenience, but it was just silly inconvenience.

Things have been tight here lately. I’m just glad the insurance was up to date when it was needed. I don’t want to be on the flip side where things that matter aren’t attainable because so many things that shouldn’t matter get in the way. Too many of my friends and our families are on that cusp, and I would give anything to rid them of those stresses.

Hug the kids and kick the DVD to the curb.

I’m reminding myself tonight to ignore the dent and embrace the texture you can wear, chin held high.

Worst Dad Ever

According to my kids, the definition of cruelty is dropping them off at summer day camp when there’s a brand new map pack for Call of Duty that released today. They’d much rather stay home in front of the XBox.

To add insult to injury, it includes a new map that ties in Minecraft, Indiana Jones and Call of Duty beautifully.

Worst. Dad. Ever.


At the pool with the kids. I count no less than 6 little ones (toddlers) in floaties and just one adult in the water.

Just a simple reminder to those parents out there that still use these puffy little death traps: if you believe that your child needs them then it means you know your kid can’t swim. With that said, no float enabled toddler should be left in a pool without a responsible swimming adult within arm’s reach.

“Arm’s reach” also means in the water, less than 36″ away from the child sporting cheap Chinese plastic with white bold letters stating, NOT A LIFE SAVING DEVICE.

Meanwhile I count no less than 5 parents looking at their phones, reading magazines or sipping from Solo cups from the comfort of their sun-baked lounge chairs.

Blaming yourself will only mean that the inevitable is already too late.

Parenting Fail

Parenting fail: Before I dropped Rylan and Caed off for their last day of the school year this morning, I decided to make a quick detour to a nearby doughnut shop to celebrate. We jumped out of the car and they flew through the front door. Caed rushed to the display window, straight for the brightly coated pink doughnuts.

It was at that moment that I pat my back pocket and realized that I left my wallet and cash sitting on the counter at home, just 35 miles and 45 minutes away. My heart sank as I had to break the cruel news to both boys. We sulked back to the car with little hope that I would find any currency in the console or glove box. There was none.

I showered the kids with apologies, “I don’t have any cash here in the car.. but, hey, here’s some old Trident gum as a consolation prize!” They both took a piece and chewed silently as we drove off to school.

They’ll be treated to insanely large doughnuts of their liking tomorrow after I pick them up. But, still…. I suck.